It is with a heavy heart that I must declare that Black people love fried Chicken. Thanks Tremayne…you let the cat out of the bag. Yes I know, this is rather taboo and for the 10 people (half are white…but grew up in the south so they know the deal…) who actually read this blog I don’t think you’ll find it as shocking as I would like. Back in the day of Toby, Black people loved chicken because it was the only thing aside from pig anus (the kind before bologna was invented) and cornmeal that ‘massa’ (why is Microsoft word prompting me to capitalize this word…MS is racist!) gave Blacks to eat. But seeing as how we are removed (somewhat) from those centuries of oppression (not really) there must be a certain reason why Black people continue to like not only chicken…but fried chicken. I might just have discovered why.
FIGURE ONE: Enter the Colonel *karate chop noise*!
KFC has come under suspicion by many Black conspiracy theorists about how slaves made the recipe for the Colonel’s original recipe chicken, because “can’t no White man know about no 16 different herbs and spices”. Well I’ll give them that, and I’ll say that only an Asian (because they wouldn’t give a Hispanic or an Indian a restaurant anywhere in Kentucky in that time period) could successfully duplicate the secret recipe of slaves that had been passed down from mammy to mammy by word of mouth (because they didn’t let them read of course). True white people wouldn’t have cared because they would have believed the South was going to rise again (some still do) and there would be no need to know the recipe because Blacks would be back on their land cooking them all the friend chicken and shrimp gumbo they could stomach.
Everyone knows that Asians (I use Asians in the truest since of the world…not the ignorant portrayal of Asians as nothing more than Chinese or Japanese neglecting the other 35-36 countries depending on how one labels Russia, but all shades of Asian from marigold yellow to UPS brown) are pretty much brilliant. However most people have the ‘why’ wrong. Asians are not brilliant for their ability to solve complex math equations (you all don’t impress me…) They are brilliant because they possess the ability to do what White people (self proclaimed saviors of the universe) have been trying to do since the beginning of existence (well whenever the two sets of people met for the first time). They have managed to control the market on anything that is deemed ‘Black’.
SIDENOTE: They are also so brilliant that several schools in California have had to put negative action (opposite of affirmative action) quotas into place limiting the amount of Asians that go to their colleges and universities because all the White students were getting rejected due to the academic prominence of Asians in the state. I want the day where they have to do this to Black people…because we’re too smart for them to handle, not because they just don’t like us and fear us exposing their daughters to…the dark side.
Permed Black hairstyles that are beloved by the foolish women who think that natural hair can’t look professional (that’s right naturals…I’m cutting you a breakJ) are overwhelmingly done in hair salons owned by Asian people. Those acrylic nails that Black women love so much (but make people look like Lady Deathstrike) are done in those Asian nail salons. And Black men don’t get off the hook either buying brushes, grease, picks, and quarter cakes at those corner stores in neighborhoods are run by Asians! So needless to say that if one of the greatest Chicken places (I like Popeyes better personally) ever survived this long, I’d have to say it was invented or created by an Asian person.
Aside from the aforementioned stuff is a really blatantly discriminatory thing, but I’m going to say it anyway because I don’t care. Look at his eyes, skin tone and stoic demeanor that can only be attributed to having genes that can directly be traced back to Confucius. Colonel Sanders looks Asian (and not ‘Charlie Chan’ Asian either)! In several of his restaurants during this painstaking research (years of fatness and KFC buffets) I have noticed numerous pictures of him. Most of them are in black and white because all of his colored pictures portray him to have yellow tinted skin, especially when he is standing amongst a crown of little pale skinned White children.
