Europe sucks. The end. Well, not really. I just hate hearing about how great Europe is in comparison to the United States. There are a few themes that always happen to pop up from the mouths of douchebags, hippies, PWP, EBP, pot heads, all of the above. Such unoriginal declarative statements about how amazing Europe is include the following:
Race relations
The economy
Transportation
Free Healthcare
Education
More stuff, but I’ll stop because I’ll be up writing a dissertation on why Europe sucks citing various historical references, and luckily for me I don’t and won’t have a degree in History (read: taco bell assistant manager in training).
Race relations: The reason why this is wrong is because people (in the United States) automatically assume that anything involving race only pertains to Black and White. And while in the United States the Black-White racial dichotomy is important, these aren’t the only races in existence. Anyway. Because of the fact that people only view race in terms of Black and White they see television shows or read BBC articles depicting light skinned or mixed race people in Europe and think that everything is dandy. Things are not dandy. In France there are people from the Maghreb region of Africa (go look at a map you douchebag) who are treated like crap not because they are Black, but because they aren’t French (in laymen terms they don’t use race as a basis for discrimination, but nationality…much like post 9-11 United States). There are several instances in which Brown people (people from Southeast Asia) are disenfranchised and treated sub human over in the UK. Here is a brief history comparing the racial relations of the Europe to the US.
Britain: Hey people in India! We’re going to take over your country now.
Indian: No!!!!
Approximately 100 years later
Britain: Yeah, sorry about that Brown people…we’re going to go back to our home country…so, see you guys later!
India: We helped build your infrastructure! It’s our country as much as it is yours. We’re coming too!
Britain: Oh crap…what have we gotten ourselves into?
France: Hey noir! Come help us rebuild the infrastructure of our country. We’ll give you and your children citizenship and we can all work for a better world. After all it was Europe that screwed up your continent so bad that it will be 1000 years before you can get to our level on your own!
Maghreb Region: Alright! Sounds like a plan.
After rebuilding is over + a generation…
France: Why are all these non French people (read Black people) running around our streets?
Maghred Region: You gave us citizenship…you promised.
France: Yeah right…we’re Europe!
FIGURE ONE: Truer words were never spoken…
The Economy: Where else in the world will you have hundreds of thousands of douchebag Prius driving, natural hair having, whole foods shopping, pre-med failing liberal arts-social science majoring, owning a $25,000 sheet of paper that says “Congrats! You’ll never have a decent paying job!”? Not in Europe! That is for sure. Their economy (while it may have a stronger currency) is not strong enough to provide jobs and occupations for the masses of people that have millions of dollars of debt while having degrees equivalent to that of toilet paper. Thus our economy pWns their economy. This is why no one ever goes to Europe to live, but rather to visit and earn a life enriching experience (sleep, eat, smoke weed and have dirty Euro sex which is pretty much the same as American sex except for excessive amounts of body hair and abundance of morning after pills in the drawers next to the condoms.)
Transportation: I’d rather put up with high gas prices and douchebaggery and unreliability of the public transportation rather than have to deal with stinky non deodorant wearing douchebaggery on European metros (France…) while having to deal with the horrible standards of skinniness being equated to beauty and all that other irrelevant crap fat chicks talk about. Stupid skinny European people and their ability to sit three to a seat with ease.
Free Healthcare: Yes! Fat people like me can waste tax payer money on pharmaceuticals and surgery because we lack self control and a will to exercise! Get excited!
FIGURE TWO: I don’t want to pay this guy’s medical bills just so that he can see his penis all because YUM! is clever with their advertising…
Education: Why is it that all of these super talented people from other areas of the world come here to practice science, medicine, business and law instead of going to random places in Europe (minus CERN…those people are working on destroying the universe as we know it…props)? Again, it is because the competitive drive of America adds the last bit of flavor to season the components needed to produce the best the world has to offer. Oxford and their degrees in classical literature and ecclesiastical history does not.
In closing, I leave you all with a humble song that brings a tear to my eye every time I hear it.
Tags: Europe
