Quite simply, I love female runners. They are amazing. An unattractive female that runs suddenly becomes a potential candidate for my future children simply because I love athletic females. Everything is great about female runners. If I could choose between watching the best superbowl of all time and watching a marathon of female (non-obese) runners I’d choose the female runners at least ninety-eight percent of the time. So, needless to say that every time I am out and about (which is quite often) it doesn’t matter who I am with. I will find a way to watch females run. It is one of the simple pleasures in the world that keeps me happy.
Friday I was waiting on the bus stop when a female runner ran by. She was amazing. She was about my height, dark caramel skin, and a thick athletic build. If I didn’t have a girlfriend I probably would have stalked this female. So that made me a little happy. I quickly stopped to think, “Oh, my goodness! What if that chick was in high school?” Usually I won’t pass judgment on a female that isn’t 18 yet because it’s illegal and weird. Even if I’m only 22 years old, a few years will get you 20. Quickly I realized that it was almost nine in the morning and high school starts earlier than that so I was relieved and free to enjoy my day.
With a fresh and pleasant attitude my day was going well, that is until my matrix algebra class. I walked into class to see a little blonde kid sitting in the chair that my professor uses. I thought that it was weird but I shrugged it off and went to my seat. My professor came out of a corner and started class. Before actually lecturing she introduced her son that had been with her all day because Fayette county public schools had the day off for an academic holiday. Immediately I thought back to the gorgeous runner I had seen earlier while waiting for the bus. I felt disgusted. I could have been judging someone’s daughter who hadn’t even gotten her license yet (I don’t want to hear it…I’ll get my license soon, anyway.)
FIGURE 42.1: The future of middle school girls in America…
This has been an epidemic in the past decade. Something needs to be done about the amount of hormones floating around in everything from bread to tap water. This isn’t a problem for the women being affected that are at or around my age (legal), but for the younger girls. One of my best friends is about 8 years older than me. When we used to hang out way back in the day, he’d always complain about how little girls (females around my age) were dressing too grown up and having adult bodies they didn’t need. I didn’t listen to him complain because he is one of those people that complains about everything. I now realize that he was right.
What kind of world do we live in when grown men can’t ogle and objectify females as sexual beings while they are getting exercise to live up to (mostly) unrealistic expectations of beauty developed by rich old white guys in Hollywood? I’m pissed. If I want to look at a runner, I should be able to look at a runner without feeling like some creepy old man. The key to correcting this problem (besides me ‘respecting women’ and not looking) is to have all females under the age of 18 wear a bright neon colored vest at all times. If the female doesn’t wear the vest then her parents are fined by the government. With these brightly colored neon vests guys at parties will know which females they should avoid. Clubs and adult businesses would know which girls weren’t allowed into their establishments to get felt up by Akon. Life would be much better. In closing…I’m officially a dirty old man…probably.
FIGURE 42.2: I don’t feel as dirty as this douchebag though…
Tags: women, Running, Sexual Objectification, hormones
September 30, 2008 at 11:50 am
I’m tired of you all with your posts with huge breasts.
But yeah, I remember when I was in high school I’d see girls in middle school everyday (lafayette and scapa touched) and was pretty disgusted by the appearance they tried to give off. It’s been a problem for a while. In my opinion, our generation and younger “grew up” too fast in that regard while seriously lacking in other areas of adulthood. That’s where the whole emo crap comes in.
I do get tired of this repeated nonsense of men objectifying women. People like what they find attractive, simple as that. No point to be ashamed about it if you’re not hurting anyone.
September 30, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Yeah, I spent a long time trying to look for a less trashy looking picture. Not because I have anything against the picture up there, but that is kinda r rated. I don’t know who reads this. I’m too lazy to change it though.
Yeah. I blame MTV, BET and Hannah Montana…and diet cola.
As for the objectification. I respect women. I can admire a woman physically without thinking that she is less human in any aspect than I am. Some feminists might disagree, but that is how I feel on the subject matter.
September 30, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I blame diet coke as well.
October 4, 2008 at 8:10 am
What then would I be forced to do about the occasional sexy broad that works road construction. I vote for burkhas!
October 5, 2008 at 7:10 am
Hmmmm seeing as how these females don’t exist…I’ll allow it.