Gabriel on Catholic Schools

Before I begin this blog I would like to say that I do not mean to offend any of you red headed, freckled, pale skinned, potato eating, lacrosse playing, mommy and daddy pay college tuition on your middle school education, “help father O’Shennanigans touched me in the back room”, types of people in the world. I have nothing against you, do what you do. Catholics are cool people for the most part.

Anyway, today I went to the gym, lifted and fast walked/ jogged for a little while. But in between banging weights and doing cardio to the talented stylings of Ms. Kelly Clarkson (or is it Mrs. Kelly Clarkson? Is she married? She should be. She has one of the fattest/phattest booties I have ever seen on a White female…someone needs to lock that down, but then there is the problem of having a wife more famous than you, which most dudes can’t deal with…but that’s another topic, back on story) I saw a sundry of dudes there all with some form of catholic school paraphernalia. The school of choice (apparently) was St. Xavier (Louisville, KY). This just got me thinking about life and wondering about stuff. Deep, I know. Why on earth would anyone send their child to catholic school and pay all of that tuition to have them end up at UK.

FIGURE 57.1: Public School worked well for him…

Most people might stop me here and say “But Gabriel, catholic school is better than Public school, and the system works, and <blah, blah, blah>” The system doesn’t friggin work. Do you know how many catholic school people I know or have known at some point in my life? The answer is billions. I worked with most of them for my summer camp job, and those were the good ones (females.) Out of every catholic high school student that I knew about 25% of them stayed in the school their entire career and have ended up going to college. Most of them drop out and go to schools like Atherton or Butler and then proceed to get pregnant and fail at life once they receive their certificate of having some form of human consciousness (also known as the High School Diploma.) These are the sorts of things that make me angry. Whenever people deal with money (in almost any form) they should think of it like the stock market or a business. If I decide to spend extra money on my child’s schooling then I better see return on that crap as soon as the check clears (or debit card payment in the future most likely…crazy technology.) If I were to send my child to a catholic school they better end up going to MIT or Stanford or some crap to major in genetic engineering or physics, or something that can help not send me to a “retirement home” (I wonder what those places will be called in the future. Our generation won’t have retirement because of all the baby boomers have multiple kids and living to be 130 years old…maybe they’ll be called privatization of social security screwed you over and now you live in an abandoned prison homes…oh well.) Instead almost all of these catholic school clowns drained 60,000 out of their parent’s bank account to stay in state and major in exercise science and literature while they get drunk and throw around their panties every weekend in order to land some rich husband that has decided to do something useful with his time in college.

Not to mention the fact that they end up going to the same school as people like me, who graduated high school with a sub 2.0 GPA. If there is any douchebag like myself at any college that I have to personally pay for, I will feel I have failed as a parent. But that doesn’t matter to parents who send their children to these catholic schools. Especially the father. Catholic high schools usually have better athletics than most (because they recruit started in day care and have millions of dollars to pump into designer drugs and equipment…oops, did I say that, anyway) and the father wants his kid to be the next quarter back for the best team in the state failing to realize that the other 99.999998272 percent of the people in the city want the same thing for their son(s) who also happen to be going to these same schools. But screw it, in the immortal words of the President-Ninja George W. Bush ‘it’s their money, they paid for it’.

The only redeeming qualities about catholic schools are the females that go there. I went to high school down the street from Assumption. A bunch of sexy females all participating in athletics (mainly volleyball and basketball) that do laps around the tennis courts on hot spring days wearing scantily clad shards clothing was just amazing!

FIGURE 57.2: A nice (Black) example of why half the guys on my high school team even played tennis.

Which is another reason my daughter won’t go to catholic school, I don’t need some perverted minded kids hitting on her at Krispy Kreme and on the TARC while she’s a freshmen and those douches are juniors and seniors…stupid Karma…that’s why I don’t believe in it. It’s dumb.

Gabriel on Snow

I really don’t like the winter. If I had enough money I’d go to Florida with all the old people, coke dealers and immigrants. But being a man of reason, a man of science, a man of understanding and compassion, I will debate the aspect of winter and its evil precipitation…snow.

The Good: The way that females dress. Mostly this is how snowbunnies dress, but the coco puffs are starting to pick it up as well. Ugg boots, leggings, and some random shirt that accents their breasts. This is probably one of my favorite fashion styles to see a female dressed in. Some might say they look like Eskimo hookers (I prefer the term Inuit, but whatever), but they are just haters. The leggings accent the lower body (in most cases, when they aren’t obese or on chunky noodle soup status) and I just have a thing for boots. Do I have a sick fetish? Maybe, but I like it. And females only dress like this in the cold. So, that is one of the good things about old man winter…his snowy grandchildren give a brotha some nice eye candy to look at.

FIGURE 56.1: 100% chance of snow….

The Bad: The cold is awful. It makes my teeth hurt from when I was 8 and decided to eat an entire bag of ice for no particular reason (although I’m blaming my childhood fatness for it). The snow makes the entire world drop down an average of 5000 IQ points per person. It doesn’t make any sense. As soon as flurries hit the ground random people want to go sledding down a muddy sinkhole and throw snowballs at each other. The people on the road slow down to about 2 miles per hour on the road while other rich douchebags in their Ferraris go about 80 miles per hour to show off that they can beat everyone on the road because of some deeply rooted penis problem.

FIGURE 56.2: Faster than sex with its owner…

These will be the same jerks buying Viagra from Mike Ditka during the superbowl and spending their children’s trust funds on transvestite hookers while claiming they aren’t gay. Also I don’t drive, so that makes walking in very problematic, especially when you have old Asian women following you in the snow. That’s right it happens…

Conclusion: The fact that snow is one of G-D’s creations and I should be happy and respect it is the one reason I don’t wage an all out war on winter (polluting and farting as much as humanly possible so that I increase global warming and thus increase the temperature of the earth, but that would just increase tropical storms and eff up weather patterns even more, but wouldn’t necessarily make the winter go away, which is why I think Al Gore is full of crap, but I digress.) Seriously, what in the hell did Adam and Eve do to piss G-D off so much that he gave the earth a 23 degree tilt to create these crappy states of existence. Everyone knows the story about the apple and all that crap, but there had to be more to it…I guess, I’m too busy to think about it. In closing, snow sucks, winter sucks.

Gabriel on Parents

Parents are very influential in the lives of young children. Thus, when I see someone who is the biological father that refuses to take care of his children simply because he doesn’t feel like it (also known as sperm donors), it pisses me off. When I see mothers that cuss out and yell at their kids for no reason just because the kid is holding a door open for an elderly woman, it pisses me off. If you have a kid (and this applies to mothers too), then it is your responsibility to take care of that child and provide for that child so that they never go without anything that they need. The burden for raising your children should not fall onto anyone else barring unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstances. This post isn’t to viciously bring out the republicanism in me. But it is to say that one should at least try to provide for their children. If they can’t, then they can’t, but can’t is different from won’t.

A few weeks ago I was on public transportation (as I usually am) anxiously waiting to get home when the bus was flooded with mothers. How did I know they were mothers? Because they ALL had children (that’s right…multiple) that looked like them. One had three children with her, one of those children was in a stroller, and a fourth child was on the way. Another looked to be about my age (later found out she was nineteen years old) and had one child with her that looked to be about two or three years old. The last one had two children. They all got on the bus in a loud, ghetto, and belligerent manner (which I have grown accustomed to in this point in my bus riding career.) As soon as they got on the bus, I thought “Gaaaah!” and might have said it out loud too; I get annoyed and don’t know it sometimes.

There were many reasons I was annoyed. The first was the fact that none of them looked to be substantially older than I was (one was nineteen years old!). These chicks were having conversations about getting pregnant. The three girls/women/whatever jumped on another girl who happened to be nineteen and asked her if she had any kids. She said no and that prompted an immediate outburst of laughter of disbelief as they started to regale the entire bus with their sexual escapades. Apparently they used every type of protection in the world except for the two best kinds, abstinence and condoms (preferably Trojans…they pay me) and still got pregnant. After that rousing history on the sluttiness of trashy females these stupid broads started talking about their fears of their daughters getting pregnant at age ten. AGE TEN!!!! Why should that even be in your mind?! If you don’t want your children getting pregnant then teach them better than your parents taught you. And curb your appetite for baby making with Lil’ Ike, the ‘thug’ from ‘hop-town’ (Hopkinsville…a crappy city in KY.)

Another reason is that I knew where they were going. The bus I ride home most days goes right by the Lexington jail. Lots of people that ride the same bus as I do, get off at the jail either for work or visitation. Some of these people are regulars, so I just figured that the whole bunch was going to visit baby daddies (I’m pretty sure none of these females were recognized by the state as being married.) Am I wrong to think that? Hell, no. Turns out I was right. All ten of those people got off the bus at once. The pregnant one asked me to help her with her stroller. I said yes, but I should have said “If I help you with this will you stop getting pregnant just so that I can afford college for my legitimate children?” Maybe that would have pissed her off enough to get her tubes tied or something. I know she has Medicaid with all those kids.

The sight was just sad…I mean what kind of man would put his children through being raised by those females. No/very little education, no/very little income, no/very little class females. So, it makes you wonder what kind of men impregnated these females. Odds are they are low/no class, education, income males. I mean…they are in jail after all. And the vast majority of people in jail for extended periods of time (even counting sociological reasons for such happenings) are jokes. At least with all the people locked up there will be less people having weddings like this…

FIGURE 55.1: Keeping it hood…straight gutta…

The picture made me lawl myself in the pants.

P.S. In case there are any closet racists lurking around here one of the females on the bus was one of those snowbunnies…that’s right, you all can’t escape the wrath of trash no matter how hard you try.