Gabriel on Profile Sites

Due to the fact that I’ve been busy as crap working on getting graduate school applications finalized, and trying not to fail all of my classes this semester from lack of caring, I haven’t been on here for a while. For the 5-10 people that actually read this blog, I apologize. For the 800 people per day that come to this blog thinking that it is interracial porn starring Carmella Bing or one of those stupid natural hair blogs where bald headed women encourage other women to become bald themselves…kick rocks.

A few years ago (when I started college) profile sits were the new up and coming thing. Personally, I had three accounts. My first one was Facebook, the next was MySpace and the last one was LouisvilleMojo. On these sites there were very different types of people.

LouisvilleMojo was for indie people and yuppies that went to college for a year, majored in art studio or French film and dropped out because they didn’t want to be conformists. As well as mostly trashy White females wanting to hook up with mostly trashy Black guys and vice versa.

FIGURE 61.1: LouisvilleMojo PARTY!

Facebook (classic) was for people who went to college and you could be sure had at least some degree of education past getting knocked up in the 7^th grade and dropping out to work at rallys and not know what a deep sea double is even though you have sold it for billions of years. That is what brought MySpace up into the front running.

People didn’t need to be educated, or even know someone who was educated with a college email address, they could go to yahoo, make up some junk like gettenbred05 (getting bread as in collecting money) @yahoo.com and register for MySpace to be with all the other illiterate buffoons and child predators.

Because of the push from these types of people, facebook was forced (I’m sure it involved a billion dollar deal or something weird) to open the doors to the filth of the internets. When it opened its doors I immediately noticed a change. Suddenly, people who I knew weren’t in college and had no intention of going there (not that there is anything necessarily wrong with it) were popping up out of the woodwork. My wall was riddled with incomplete sentences and misspelled words. It was pretty awful. But nothing got my blood to a boil faster (other than the sodium from my superhuman chip consumption) than alternating caps. This awful trend of semi-illiteracy spans all female walks of life, but I’m pretty sure that it started with more of the uneducated types. Since I hate the caps so much, I’ve decided to give a guide on determining the risk my loyal readers may face, by describing what kinds of people use alternating caps. Hopefully when you get done reading this, you can defriend any female that meets these criteria (unless they have huge tits and/or a nice juicy backside of course.)

STRIPPERS: They get naked for money because they’re too stupid and/or lazy to get a real job. If you have a female on your friends list that is, was, or you suspect will become a stripper you should defriend her to avoid the terror of alternating caps.

TRAILER PARK/ GHETTO TRASH: These will be those people that snuck onto facebook when it opened up to the general public. You will be able to distinguish between these females and other types by looking and their music tastes and how many stupid applications they have. Odds are if they list Lil Wayne as one of their favorite artists and have the n-bomb strewn up and down their wall, they are trailer or ghetto trash. Increase the level of trash exponentially for each tattoo they possess. DELETE!

FRIENDS OF TRASH: The mostly good natured females that happen to have grown up with trash, but found a way to college or a decent job. They are doing well in school, but happen to have several factors that hold them back. One factor is the trashy boyfriend. If the friend of trash is a nursing major and listed as engaged, in a relationship, or married to some guy with three first names and you go click on the guy and he is in a city network, or doesn’t have any schools or jobs listed past high school. Then he is trash, and hence she sucks and most likely uses alternating caps.

FIGURE 61.2: Her major is nursing…

PARTY BROADS: These females are the ones that made it out of high school and had high hopes and aspirations. These are the ones that were pre-med starting off in their freshmen year and then learned that they were dumb and had to do something else with their lives. Oh yes, the dreams of living in Seattle while solving stupid medical cases (very similar to those of southern California) under the pressure of deciding which of their attendings they’d be doming up in the on-call room suddenly shatter when they fail freshmen Biology.

FIGURE 61.3: GOATS!

Gabriel on Sports

I love sports. I like to play them, I love to watch them. I like discussing them, arguing about stats, watching shows that debate topics concerning sports. They are amazing. This is what I wish I could say without looking deeper into the picture. Sports are great, but they only do so much. While I do enjoy watching a good basketball game (college or pro), or a good football game (most likely pro), I do see a vast disconnect in how people view sports and how sports should be viewed. And now, for the moment you’ve been waiting for, I will give my outlook on sports.

First and foremost is a problem plaguing youth in this country. Disadvantaged and advantaged youth both look towards sport as a mean of escaping/avoiding poverty, increasing social status and social mobilization into “the good life”. Instead of picking up a book, or reading further ahead in their math and science classes, they are outside playing in little leagues that are run and organized by their unathletic parents who are trying to vicariously live through their children (that is when those kids aren’t getting fat from junk food and Nintendo Wii…that’s right, Wiis are still videogames, fat kids can still eat and play the Wii. The Wii takes less effort than beating off…anyway.) These young children learn that athletics are vital to their survival and place too much emphasis on them. Yes, it’s important that kids don’t get fat and they exercise, but really, exercise takes like one hour a day, which is plenty if you don’t let kids eat whatever they want. Athletics should not compose more time than your child’s schooling. If it does, then something is wrong. If kids keep getting these messages, then they’ll end up working at a car dealership struggling to get by on commission because they were the star quarterback of their crappy high school football team (that went 0-11 every year) but couldn’t form a proper sentence or do simple algebra.

Last time I talked about how A-Rod got busted juicing. I won’t talk about it again, because he’s rich, and will probably make more money with his current contract than I will make in my lifetime…which pisses me off. But steroid use is very prevalent, and many people point to race as the reason. Lots of people have noticed the rise in performance enhancing drugs came when color lines were being smashed in different fields of sports. No, Mr. Criminalblkman didn’t show up in the locker room with a jar of Adrenosterone in one arm and a White woman on the other. People (Black and White) say that the influx of Black and ethnic players into sports leagues increased the bar for levels of athleticism. That’s right! Ty’L'Ron Jenkins used his negro legs, ran and jumped straight from the projects of NY into Miami, FL to play for the Dolphins. Apparently, since Black people were so gifted genetically, the only way that White players could keep up with the super Negro (descended from the greatest, biggest buck on the plantation) were to become super themselves. They obviously couldn’t afford to go through three generations of killing off the smartest and brightest white people while breeding the biggest, fastest, strongest white people and training their children in the fields for 150 years, so they turned to steroids. Well, if you believe that, my poor, Liberian-American behind has ocean front property in Colorado to sell you.

FIGURE 60.1: Proof that White people don’t have to juice…

For one, I hate it when people use the argument that Black people are naturally more athletic than White people. I hate it even more when Black people use the argument. People think that it is a compliment, but they’re dumb. If people take it as a fact that Black people are genetically predisposed to excel in sports, then people can say they White people are genetically predisposed to excel in the classroom. It leaves the entire realm of racist, eugenic thought to creep from under its bed sheet to bite us in the butt. The reason that Black people excel in sports is ENTIRELY social. If you go look at countries across the world that farm into our NBA teams, they are poor or war torn countries for the most part (similar to most of our urban/inner-city neighborhoods.) If people grow up in an environment that doesn’t have access to the best schools, books and other academic resources, then they’re going to spend their time trying to attain something that they know about, and try to achieve goals that they feasibly have the resources to obtain. Let’s see…read a book that has Ronald Reagan as the last president (when you know it’s Obama), or go learn to dunk in hopes to get broads, a fancy car, and some money for your family? Tough choice…

For two, White people don’t need to juice just to stay competitive with athletes of other races. It’s just another way to blame Black people for White insecurity. Can you imagine what would happen if Andy Petite was like “I only did HGH so that I could pitch against Black people!” He’d look rucking fidiculous…

FIGURE 60.2: Didn’t do steroids to keep up with Cochran…

Gabriel on The Mailman

Lots of things have a tendency to piss me off or cause me enough personal discomfort to ramble about them within the confines in my blog.

Last week (when this was actually written…I’m lazy, get off my back) the genius known as Plaxico Burress (yes that is his real name, no I did not misspell it, yes spell-check is underlining both names in red) who is a wide receiver for the New York Giants recently shot himself in the leg. Apparently he was in a night club, thugged out with sweatpants, a tall tee, jewelry, and most likely a new York fitted cap and a slew of snowbunnies (although reports of the last two aren’t officially confirmed.) He reached for something and dropped his gun and while reaching for it, shot himself. Now…I don’t know much about guns, but aren’t they supposed to have a safety or something on them? Why on earth wasn’t he using the safety? What on earth would possess a grown man to have a loaded and live gun in the front of his pants exposed to his other pistol without using the safety. At this point common sense gets thrown out of the window, and it is about instinct. It is the instinct of EVERY man belonging to a cognitive, sentient species in the UNIVERSE to protect his reproductive organs. It doesn’t matter if the man is a two year old or an 82 year old, it doesn’t matter if the guy is gay, straight, bisexual, whatever. The only thing touching the wang should be for cleaning or pleasure (although the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.) He might just win the dumb F*** of the year award. He deserves whatever legal sentence and league penalty he gets just for putting his little quarterback in danger.

However, this sad case is just a side effect of a bigger problem in the world of professional (and to a lesser extent) college athletics. You have these high profile millionaires (or soon to be millionaires) who are targeted because of their wealth and status. Each time they go outside at night their life is in danger just for being ultra talented at a sport. Yes, there are things that can be said about the flashing jewels and ‘making it rain’ in strip clubs, but the fact of the matter is that these athletes that are being assaulted are the victims. No one (at least no decent human being) would claim that a woman who had just been raped was at fault for her being raped. Yeah, she could have covered up more or not been as misleading, but being perceived as a slut doesn’t constitute rape. Now, with these kinds of cases happening in the news all the time, of course young athletes (a substantial number of which come from impoverished neighborhoods and areas with higher than normal violence) would want to protect themselves with the images they are seeing about people like them getting attacked. Personally I have no problem with this as it is the right of every individual to protect themselves and their families. As long as people go about obtaining a gun in a legal manner and follow all the correct steps in getting a firearm, then it’s our second amendment. They should go for it. After all…

FIGURE 54.1: “It’s cold on these streets”

SIDENOTE: However, I do think that current gun legislation needs to be revamped. I might do a post on it later, if I care enough. Oh well.

Enter the mailman. He was on ESPN talking about something that he has no business talking about. He is one of the most outspoken people on gun rights, and one of the faces of the Black section of the NRA. Yes, I respect and admire the man, but he was running his mouth about professional athletes not needing to protect themselves with guns and body guards. He said something along the lines of “Who are you pissing off that you need a gun?” Well Karl Malone…here is what I think. You are Karl Malone. You spend almost your entire career in Utah (when you were out hunting little Mexican girls). Utah is the LEAST gangster state in the United States of America. I would say on the continent of North America, but then you run into that pesky Canada problem.

SIDENOTE: It has actually been proven with painstaking research that there are less actual thugs in the state of Utah than there are enrolled in college. Seriously, the US census did another study similar to their finding about real thugs in college (turns out there are 0 thugs enrolled in college.) Some might say that there is no number less than zero that can describe people. I say they’re wrong. Since there are less than zero thugs in Utah, every time a true thug goes to Utah (mainly for some form of athletic competition), not only do they cease to become a thug, a true thug in the state of California dies. Thus balancing out the universe.

I agree that many of these contemporary athletes are flashing their guns in the front of their pants to be gangster and stunt. But there are a few that actually care about protecting themselves and their families. The late Sean Taylor is a prime example of the worst case scenario. Many people believe he would still be alive today if he had protection (and I ain’t talkin’ prophylactics.) The most thugged out people Karl Malone had to deal with in Utah were belligerent Mormon solicitors and while they are fearless when it comes to spreading the word of Joe Smith, true thugs they are not. Don’t no thugs ride around on bicycles with helmets! That is not gangster. NOT! GANGSTER! Hall of Famer, yes. Second best player never to win a title, yes. Hood…not so much. Please Karl Malone. Have a cup of teabag…hmmm salty, just like Utahans like it.

P.S. I know this post was mostly about Plaxico, I don’t care. Save your comments. THANKS!