Gabriel on Sports

I love sports. I like to play them, I love to watch them. I like discussing them, arguing about stats, watching shows that debate topics concerning sports. They are amazing. This is what I wish I could say without looking deeper into the picture. Sports are great, but they only do so much. While I do enjoy watching a good basketball game (college or pro), or a good football game (most likely pro), I do see a vast disconnect in how people view sports and how sports should be viewed. And now, for the moment you’ve been waiting for, I will give my outlook on sports.

First and foremost is a problem plaguing youth in this country. Disadvantaged and advantaged youth both look towards sport as a mean of escaping/avoiding poverty, increasing social status and social mobilization into “the good life”. Instead of picking up a book, or reading further ahead in their math and science classes, they are outside playing in little leagues that are run and organized by their unathletic parents who are trying to vicariously live through their children (that is when those kids aren’t getting fat from junk food and Nintendo Wii…that’s right, Wiis are still videogames, fat kids can still eat and play the Wii. The Wii takes less effort than beating off…anyway.) These young children learn that athletics are vital to their survival and place too much emphasis on them. Yes, it’s important that kids don’t get fat and they exercise, but really, exercise takes like one hour a day, which is plenty if you don’t let kids eat whatever they want. Athletics should not compose more time than your child’s schooling. If it does, then something is wrong. If kids keep getting these messages, then they’ll end up working at a car dealership struggling to get by on commission because they were the star quarterback of their crappy high school football team (that went 0-11 every year) but couldn’t form a proper sentence or do simple algebra.

Last time I talked about how A-Rod got busted juicing. I won’t talk about it again, because he’s rich, and will probably make more money with his current contract than I will make in my lifetime…which pisses me off. But steroid use is very prevalent, and many people point to race as the reason. Lots of people have noticed the rise in performance enhancing drugs came when color lines were being smashed in different fields of sports. No, Mr. Criminalblkman didn’t show up in the locker room with a jar of Adrenosterone in one arm and a White woman on the other. People (Black and White) say that the influx of Black and ethnic players into sports leagues increased the bar for levels of athleticism. That’s right! Ty’L'Ron Jenkins used his negro legs, ran and jumped straight from the projects of NY into Miami, FL to play for the Dolphins. Apparently, since Black people were so gifted genetically, the only way that White players could keep up with the super Negro (descended from the greatest, biggest buck on the plantation) were to become super themselves. They obviously couldn’t afford to go through three generations of killing off the smartest and brightest white people while breeding the biggest, fastest, strongest white people and training their children in the fields for 150 years, so they turned to steroids. Well, if you believe that, my poor, Liberian-American behind has ocean front property in Colorado to sell you.

FIGURE 60.1: Proof that White people don’t have to juice…

For one, I hate it when people use the argument that Black people are naturally more athletic than White people. I hate it even more when Black people use the argument. People think that it is a compliment, but they’re dumb. If people take it as a fact that Black people are genetically predisposed to excel in sports, then people can say they White people are genetically predisposed to excel in the classroom. It leaves the entire realm of racist, eugenic thought to creep from under its bed sheet to bite us in the butt. The reason that Black people excel in sports is ENTIRELY social. If you go look at countries across the world that farm into our NBA teams, they are poor or war torn countries for the most part (similar to most of our urban/inner-city neighborhoods.) If people grow up in an environment that doesn’t have access to the best schools, books and other academic resources, then they’re going to spend their time trying to attain something that they know about, and try to achieve goals that they feasibly have the resources to obtain. Let’s see…read a book that has Ronald Reagan as the last president (when you know it’s Obama), or go learn to dunk in hopes to get broads, a fancy car, and some money for your family? Tough choice…

For two, White people don’t need to juice just to stay competitive with athletes of other races. It’s just another way to blame Black people for White insecurity. Can you imagine what would happen if Andy Petite was like “I only did HGH so that I could pitch against Black people!” He’d look rucking fidiculous…

FIGURE 60.2: Didn’t do steroids to keep up with Cochran…

Gabriel on Performance Enhancing Drugs

Yeah, I’m writing about this topic because my boy A-Rod got caught juicing. But really, was anyone surprised? Anyone who remotely follows baseball could have figured that A-Rod was shooting up the sunny-D. I mean this man is expected to smash the homerun record held by Barry Bonds. And as much as I like Barry, that man was juicing like oranges. If someone gave you a pill and told you that the pill would make you faster, stronger, look better and have the potential to earn more money what would you do? Odds are you would take the pill as soon as you could, not even thinking about the consequences. Of course I mean if the pill wasn’t something that could be classified as steroids or performance enhancing drugs. Because steroids and PEPs are bad, right?

FIGURE 59.1: Stronger, faster, richer, governor….

Wrong! This country places a heavy emphasis on winning and competition and numbers. Baseball emphasizes all of these aspects of American culture more than any other sport. Fans (and other people that don’t even like baseball all that much like me) want players to hit 1000 homeruns in a career, 100 in a season and have 10,000 hits. This tremendous pressure is enough to tempt anyone to do steroids. Add to the fact that Americans love the stats so much that franchises will put very lucrative bonuses into contracts for certain career and season milestones reached by the players. If people want performance enhancers in professional sports to stop, then the overall hive thinking of America needs to change.

Some might think or say “Gabriel, it isn’t America; it’s just these dumb athletes that are the problem. Not Joe Six Pack!” To these fools, I say wrong!!! Some of the most brilliant minds in America take performance enhancing drugs. No, most athletes aren’t that brilliant, but I’m not talking about them. Research was done a few years ago that leads people to believe that a lot of the leading scientists and researchers in the world take mental stimulants to perform at high levels of cognitive thinking and focus that they wouldn’t normally possess even given their high intellect. College students who are supposed to the avant garde of intellectual thought (yeah right…) take adderall and live on mountain dew, coffee and other stimulants so that they can study for 12 hours straight on 2 hours of sleep. But these are the same people that point their fingers in shame.

The same people pointing their fingers are the same ones giving their children food of little, no, or negative nutritional value on a daily basis with no mention of fruits or vegetables. These are the same people smoking five packs of cigarettes in one day and the same people getting little to no physical exercise. All of these things contribute adversely to health but since other people aren’t making a big deal about it (ESPN), it suddenly becomes okay. Americans are dumb.

FIGURE 59.2: Bad for you…just like steroids…

Gabriel on Catholic Schools

Before I begin this blog I would like to say that I do not mean to offend any of you red headed, freckled, pale skinned, potato eating, lacrosse playing, mommy and daddy pay college tuition on your middle school education, “help father O’Shennanigans touched me in the back room”, types of people in the world. I have nothing against you, do what you do. Catholics are cool people for the most part.

Anyway, today I went to the gym, lifted and fast walked/ jogged for a little while. But in between banging weights and doing cardio to the talented stylings of Ms. Kelly Clarkson (or is it Mrs. Kelly Clarkson? Is she married? She should be. She has one of the fattest/phattest booties I have ever seen on a White female…someone needs to lock that down, but then there is the problem of having a wife more famous than you, which most dudes can’t deal with…but that’s another topic, back on story) I saw a sundry of dudes there all with some form of catholic school paraphernalia. The school of choice (apparently) was St. Xavier (Louisville, KY). This just got me thinking about life and wondering about stuff. Deep, I know. Why on earth would anyone send their child to catholic school and pay all of that tuition to have them end up at UK.

FIGURE 57.1: Public School worked well for him…

Most people might stop me here and say “But Gabriel, catholic school is better than Public school, and the system works, and <blah, blah, blah>” The system doesn’t friggin work. Do you know how many catholic school people I know or have known at some point in my life? The answer is billions. I worked with most of them for my summer camp job, and those were the good ones (females.) Out of every catholic high school student that I knew about 25% of them stayed in the school their entire career and have ended up going to college. Most of them drop out and go to schools like Atherton or Butler and then proceed to get pregnant and fail at life once they receive their certificate of having some form of human consciousness (also known as the High School Diploma.) These are the sorts of things that make me angry. Whenever people deal with money (in almost any form) they should think of it like the stock market or a business. If I decide to spend extra money on my child’s schooling then I better see return on that crap as soon as the check clears (or debit card payment in the future most likely…crazy technology.) If I were to send my child to a catholic school they better end up going to MIT or Stanford or some crap to major in genetic engineering or physics, or something that can help not send me to a “retirement home” (I wonder what those places will be called in the future. Our generation won’t have retirement because of all the baby boomers have multiple kids and living to be 130 years old…maybe they’ll be called privatization of social security screwed you over and now you live in an abandoned prison homes…oh well.) Instead almost all of these catholic school clowns drained 60,000 out of their parent’s bank account to stay in state and major in exercise science and literature while they get drunk and throw around their panties every weekend in order to land some rich husband that has decided to do something useful with his time in college.

Not to mention the fact that they end up going to the same school as people like me, who graduated high school with a sub 2.0 GPA. If there is any douchebag like myself at any college that I have to personally pay for, I will feel I have failed as a parent. But that doesn’t matter to parents who send their children to these catholic schools. Especially the father. Catholic high schools usually have better athletics than most (because they recruit started in day care and have millions of dollars to pump into designer drugs and equipment…oops, did I say that, anyway) and the father wants his kid to be the next quarter back for the best team in the state failing to realize that the other 99.999998272 percent of the people in the city want the same thing for their son(s) who also happen to be going to these same schools. But screw it, in the immortal words of the President-Ninja George W. Bush ‘it’s their money, they paid for it’.

The only redeeming qualities about catholic schools are the females that go there. I went to high school down the street from Assumption. A bunch of sexy females all participating in athletics (mainly volleyball and basketball) that do laps around the tennis courts on hot spring days wearing scantily clad shards clothing was just amazing!

FIGURE 57.2: A nice (Black) example of why half the guys on my high school team even played tennis.

Which is another reason my daughter won’t go to catholic school, I don’t need some perverted minded kids hitting on her at Krispy Kreme and on the TARC while she’s a freshmen and those douches are juniors and seniors…stupid Karma…that’s why I don’t believe in it. It’s dumb.